Self care strategies won’t work unless you uncover the underlying issues that drive over-giving and putting yourself last.

Don’t get me wrong, I love me a nice bubble bath and a spa day. 


They’re very short-term solutions to feeling better.  Any benefits we get from a day at the spa quickly dissolve when we dive back into overwhelm, frustration and resentment when we get home.

Why this is a common experience for us healers and helpers: The very attributes that make us great in our careers- compassion, holding space, attuning to the needs of others -often go hand in hand with putting ourselves, our needs last. And this shows up in all areas of our lives, which is why simply taking a day or even a week off from work doesn’t feel relaxing. 

When we take the opportunity to go away for a weekend retreat, but we’re still worrying about other people’s needs not being met while we’re gone, and checking in to make sure there’s not a dumpster fire at home,  it’s not the restorative experience we’d hoped for. Being in a different location doesn’t automatically make us comfortable with putting ourselves first. 

So on and on we go, not getting the relief we need from stress and burnout, because we’re not sufficiently addressing the problem.

Getting radically, deeply uncomfortably honest with ourselves about how our over-giving and self-neglecting tendencies show up in all areas of our lives is the foundation for recovery from massive burnout. This can start with exploring subconscious fears or beliefs about changing these patterns, to see what might be blocking our efforts in making real change.

To start this work, finish the following questions:

-When I think about taking time for myself, to do things that I enjoy, I feel ________

-When I think about taking better care of myself, I’m afraid this will happen: ______________

-If I’m making myself more of a priority, other people will think this about me: ______________

I’m on a mission to help therapists and healers unpack what’s beyond conventional notions of burnout recovery to experience sustained healing. I know that when we heal our caretaking identities, we’re happier whole humans, who can continue to do beautiful things in the world.  We can still show up to serve others, while deeply serving ourselves as well.  I hope this post serves you, and I’d love to know what you think; drop a comment below!